Jolliest Asshole This Side of the Nuthouse.

It's Thanksgiving here in the US, Dear Reader. You know what that means? It means it's almost Christmas, and my mood is steadily declining. Holiday season is super rough for me, mostly because it's freaking cold and I'm actual a reptile wearing a human suit to keep warm. But also because I always feel like I don't have enough arms on my body or hours in my day to get things done and visit with my loved ones.

So I fuel my already anxious and sleep deprived brain with red bull, coffee, and an occasional drag of nicotine.

Okay not so much nicotine. I haven't smoked in about 4 years. But thinking about the impending holiday is making me want to smoke an entire pack of camel crush menthols and drink a case of the cheapest boxed wine. (Mom, if you're reading this, on your way to my house tomorrow, you know what I need for the store now. *insert winky face emoji*)

We all cope in our own ways.

Anyway back to the point of this post. Christmas is coming which means work is getting busier because people NEED 66,000,000 bagel packs and 72 loaves of holiday bread, and I'm about to start training for a new position, and we just opened a drive thru. I am beyond stressed. So I started asking my coworkers how they handle their holiday stress. No one had any good answers. Which makes me wonder, why do we make such a fuss over the holiday season?

I mean, yeah, your buttface brothers come in to town, pin you down, and give you indian burns and pink bellies (this is from personal experience), and maybe you're grandma gets drunk and passes out in the living room floor before anyone has even sat down to eat dinner, but is it worth all the freaking out?

No. No it isn't. So I challenge you, Dear Reader, to relax this holiday season. Don't have any gigantic meltdowns, and don't yell at your coworkers because they're messing with you and your shift ended 2 hours ago and you're ready to leave, and then try to make up for it by bringing candy to work the next day. Just chill out and enjoy all the dysfunction, chaos, and alcohol....errr...I mean cookies. I totally meant cookies.

What Happened In Here?

It's Sunday morning, Dear Reader. Are you gearing up for your impending doom...I mean work week? I'm not. I'm sitting at the kitchen table, drinking cold coffee that I forgot I had made until Robbie came walking over to me drinking it, and procrastinating. Procrastination isn't really something I take part in often *because there are not enough hours in my day* but I'm making an exception for today. Can you guess why? I'll just tell you. 

My house hasn't been thoroughly cleaned in about two weeks. It literally looks like a bomb went off in here. And it smells like the inside of a sweaty wool sock. I have about three weeks worth of laundry to fold, and a week's worth to wash. Also, the bathroom cabinet contents seem to have spontaneously combusted at some point during the madness of last week. 

I should insert a picture of the state of my living room floor right now. But it is cringe worthy. So I'm not going to.

I feel like I'm drowning in responsibilities. I felt like that as a stay at home mom too, but I actually got shit done then. Now I'm getting up at 3 am to be at work by 5 am, and getting home at about 3:30 pm, which means I rush through cooking dinner, paying bills online, and doing a load of laundry so I can have Robbie in bed by 7 pm and I can be asleep by 7:30 pm. It's kind of a recipe for disaster and embarrassment.

If my mother saw the way my house looks right now, she would be forced into an early grave. But not before she yelled at me for being a slob. 

I keep telling myself I am going to get a giant calendar to hang in my kitchen, and on said calendar I will plan my weekly chores. *I aim to be one of those got her shit together Pinterest moms* But it never happens. And even if I did get one, I don't follow my weekly plans on the giant calendar by my bed, and I'm constantly writing things in my planner and forgetting about it. So what's the point in wasting effort and money on another calendar?

Because office supplies and caffeine are my life blood, that's the point.

Anyway, I should probably get up and do something productive with this day. Mostly I just need to get up to change what is streaming on the TV right now, because "Mitkey Kissmass" is playing for the gabillionth time and I've had enough of that crap.