RRRAAAAWWWRRRR

Today is a crap day. I started back to school recently. We planned and planned and planned some more so I would be able to go. But, life happens. Daycare fell through. Now I'm having to figure out a way to keep going to school, afford daycare, and go to school...and the hits keep coming. It's been one thing after another for the last couple of months.

I feel so...heavy. Like I am full of disappointment.

I knew going back to school was going to be an adventure. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I figured we would run into road blocks. I just didn't think it would literally come down to, quit school and go back to work, or sell my kidney so I can pay for daycare.

Okay so I don't really have to sell my kidney. That was a little dramatic. But it is how I feel right now.  I have been desperate to go to college for a few years. So I had high hopes for this to work out. And I guess it can. But I'm just not seeing how, unless I transfer to a different school and change my major.

There is an upside to transferring though. I could do business, and go to OSU. Then I could finally tell my OU graduate brother to shove it. That would be hilarious. *side note: My family is divided between OU/OSU. I am a Poke through and through!*

But business? Ugh. I REALLY wanted to do surgical technology. I have dreams at night about finishing this program and going on to medical school. Being a surgeon sounds like heaven. Instant gratification when you save a life, a constantly shifting work environment. I would never get bored. It would be like one giant science experiment for the rest of my life.

But sometimes you can't do what your heart wants you to do. Sometimes you have to buckle down and do what is best for your family.

So. Business in the fall, it is. I guess on the plus side, if I get the opportunity, I can always start over and try to get in to OSU's medical school. And I probably would have a hand full of Gen Eds out of the way. That's a good thing. No repeating comp or algebra!

Hmm. I guess there is a positive in this.