Mommy, The Big Cry Baby.

Recently, we have gotten out of our bed time routine. So I decided to start getting back on track, and to move the baby from our bedroom, into her own room. Up until this point she slept in the sleeper part of a pack and play in the corner of the bedroom because I was more comfortable with her being close by for the first few weeks of her life.

I was feeling a little ballsy, so once the baby was asleep, I put her in her crib, and walked across the hall to my room to lay down. I kept thinking "Oh, I'll hear her cry when she wakes up later.", but leaving her in there was making me super nervous. She was fine, sound asleep, but I wasn't okay. 

Once I got in my room, I saw her sweet little empty bed, and immediately burst out in tears. (I think I can attribute part of that to purging all of her little bitty newborn clothes from the closet today. Which also made me a basket case, because mom hormones that's why.

) So I texted my fiancé (he works overnight and was about to go on break.) and told him what my game plan was, but that I was sad and I missed her already.

Then I started trying to justify my emotions via text message to a man who, I'm sure, was laughing at me behind his phone.  

"Oh, I already miss her, and I can't hear her breathe, or do her little sleep laughs or coos, and I am just not ready to let go. Letting go means she's growing up, and I'm Mama, and Mama wants to hold on to her teeny tiny as long as possible! But she's got to learn to sleep in there or we'll have a monster on our hands. I'm just not ready for this!!" For goodness sake, she'd only been asleep in there for ten freaking minutes. And she's a month old. Get a grip, Alex.

And then I ran into her room and got her. I'm surprised I didn't wake her up with all the kisses and hugs and "I love you Sugie!" s. 

Now she's back to sleeping in our room, snoring, a couple of feet away from me. I feel a thousand times better, but I'm also pretty embarassed. I mean come on, moms are supposed to be hardcore, tough. And here I am, bawling because I was trying to make my life a little easier. Such a schmuck!

Are We There Yet?

Traveling with a baby is no easy feat. When they're little, like first born little, it's pretty simple. Pack the diaper bag, make sure they are fed/changed/clothed, loaded into car seat, put the car seat in the car, and you're off. But then they get to being more alert. Which basically means, if the kid was already awake when you started on your trip, they just might stay awake the whole time, or if they weren't, the minute you start to put them into the car seat, their sweet little eyes fill with fire, their legs and arms find a way to connect with your face, and the crying starts. Then it's a gamble on if the baby will stay calm and sleep, or will turn into Reagan from the Exorcist when you get to where ever you're going.

My little one enjoys car rides, just not the seat. Sometimes I get lucky and she sleeps through the whole ordeal. But usually that's not the case. Today I waited until she was fed and changed, but still awake, to put her in the car seat. My reasoning was, "It's almost nap time. She's tired. Maybe she won't fight me, and once she's in there and in the car she will fall asleep.". Boy, was I wrong.

There were only a few cries, mostly from me. She's recently learned she can make noise other than cry, so it was mostly "AHHHK!" "AHHHK!" from her, and a few good sobs and some "Why won't you just let me put your arm through this strap?!" 's. There were minimal slaps to my face as well. But then, in typical vindictive baby fashion, she pooped. So I had to extract her from the buckles and straps, change her, and then wrestle nine pounds of furry back into the car seat. Once we were in the car, she quieted down, and but was awake for the whole ride.

Then we got to our destination.

This is a whole new can of worms.

As I type I'm listening to her cry because: *from her point of view* 1.) I'm tired and Mom spoiled me by holding me until I fell asleep and now I think I always have to be held and she's not holding me. 2.) The ceiling fan isn't on. 3.) My Grandpa's TV isn't HD, so I can't watch Reba reruns and see Van in the way God intended. 4.) Because. That's why.

Every trip to, well anywhere, goes about the same. We get there, she either wakes up, or was already awake, looks around, decides she doesn't like it, and commences on the pea soup puking, head spinning all the way around, "God isn't here today, Priest." crap. It can be pretty alarming, you know when your month old baby sits up from the pallet on the floor, looks at you, and then her head goes ALL.THE.WAY.AROUND and starts speaking in multiple languages all at once. It also tends to scare who ever it is you're visiting, but it's a good party trick if you're entertaining.

Eventually she'll fall asleep, and go back to looking like the perfect little angel that she normally is. Then I'll be able to get some work done. Or if we're visiting someone, they'll start going on about how she's such a good baby (which she is usually), and how beautiful she is, and wow, she has so much hair. I like that part. My kid is freaking adorable. It's funny how long eyelashes, and pretty, long dark hair on a baby can erase all memories of the unholy terror that said baby was just being.

 And don't worry, she doesn't really spew pea soup. We don't eat pea soup in my house. When it's time to go home, I'll have to fight her all over again. Then when we get home, I'll make up for it by letting her watch Big Bang Theory with me, and all will be right again...until we have go somewhere.

Splish, Splash, Aren't You The One Getting The Bath?

Bathing a baby is hard work. Especially if they can't hold their head up, or sit up on their own, but can wiggle every which way. I always worry that I will be attempting to wash my daughter's back and lose my grip on her. Which would cause her little floppy dome to go a crashing into the baby tub, and the screaming would follow shortly after. The girl can scream too, let me tell ya.


Any who, while trying to give the kid a bath, I always find that I am the one getting the bath. Some how I end up with wet hair, soaked clothes, and soap everywhere. Why is this? She's a month old. It's not like she splashes or anything. Heck, she JUST started liking bath time. I'm starting to think I should just get in the tub with her. But that's weird. And I'm a shower kind of person.


Maybe I should invest in a nice pair of waders, or full on rain gear. I should also start training for water sports. I could certainly medal in "mother getting soaked while child laughs". I'd take home the gold even.


In reality, I'm sure my getting a bath while she gets one, is due to a nervous mom, and a floppy, wiggly baby. Here's to assuming that bathing a baby will soon become an Olympic sport. Now I'm off to find some rain gear.

Being A Parent: The Stuff of Nightmares.

Being a parent can be pretty scary. You see, I'm a new mom and my month old daughter is terrifying. Some days are less worrisome than others. I'll think "Man, this is easy!", and then those days will be replaced with no sleep, and the pulling out of my own hair.

Why am I pulling out my hair? Well because my sweet teeny tiny, is a super human strong, nine pound ball of movement. Wormy. Wiggly. DOES.NOT.STOP.MOVING. She's always been this way, even in the ultrasounds we could see how wiggly she was. And I could feel how strong she was by her kicking the crap out of my insides.

This is all good and fine, the signs of a healthy baby. But it makes trying to feed her difficult. Cue the pulling of hair and fretting over the next time you have to hold this child while standing on a hard surface.

You'll be holding her, ready to give her the bottle, and she starts flailing. Head flopping, arms and legs flying, breaking your grasp on her, and sometimes reality. You thought you were holding her securely, and now you're certain you'll drop her. But then, she catches sight of the bottle, and semi-rights herself and starts snorting and grunting for her lunch.

HORRIFYING ISN'T IT?!

Then there's the silly "Hey Mom, I'm suffocating!" noises. Have mercy.

My child, she's ornery, and comes by it naturally. She likes to give me coronaries, the massive kind. She'll wait until we're both supposed to be napping, open one eye, make sure I'm sound asleep, and then proceed to make this horrible noise that is similar to the sound of the sucker straw thing at the dentist, only more alarming. Scares me right out of my week old pajamas. But not to worry, she's not suffocating, and the funny noises are perfectly normal for her age. Something about science and brain function? "IDK, didn't pay attention in health class" applies well here.

I'm very fortunate, my daughter is happy, healthy, strong, eats well, and sleeps well. She just scares the dickens out of me. I know this is just the beginning of the horrifying, traumatic events she'll put me through. But I wouldn't change it for a second. I just hope all this hair grows back.