Mommy, The Big Cry Baby.

Recently, we have gotten out of our bed time routine. So I decided to start getting back on track, and to move the baby from our bedroom, into her own room. Up until this point she slept in the sleeper part of a pack and play in the corner of the bedroom because I was more comfortable with her being close by for the first few weeks of her life.

I was feeling a little ballsy, so once the baby was asleep, I put her in her crib, and walked across the hall to my room to lay down. I kept thinking "Oh, I'll hear her cry when she wakes up later.", but leaving her in there was making me super nervous. She was fine, sound asleep, but I wasn't okay. 

Once I got in my room, I saw her sweet little empty bed, and immediately burst out in tears. (I think I can attribute part of that to purging all of her little bitty newborn clothes from the closet today. Which also made me a basket case, because mom hormones that's why.

) So I texted my fiancé (he works overnight and was about to go on break.) and told him what my game plan was, but that I was sad and I missed her already.

Then I started trying to justify my emotions via text message to a man who, I'm sure, was laughing at me behind his phone.  

"Oh, I already miss her, and I can't hear her breathe, or do her little sleep laughs or coos, and I am just not ready to let go. Letting go means she's growing up, and I'm Mama, and Mama wants to hold on to her teeny tiny as long as possible! But she's got to learn to sleep in there or we'll have a monster on our hands. I'm just not ready for this!!" For goodness sake, she'd only been asleep in there for ten freaking minutes. And she's a month old. Get a grip, Alex.

And then I ran into her room and got her. I'm surprised I didn't wake her up with all the kisses and hugs and "I love you Sugie!" s. 

Now she's back to sleeping in our room, snoring, a couple of feet away from me. I feel a thousand times better, but I'm also pretty embarassed. I mean come on, moms are supposed to be hardcore, tough. And here I am, bawling because I was trying to make my life a little easier. Such a schmuck!